Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
