spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
