i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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