is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
