I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
