O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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