New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
