You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have aggressive nipples.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
