Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
