he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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