Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
