i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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