You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
