Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
