Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
