HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
