You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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