I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
