Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
