Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
