Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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