i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
