I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
3pm strippers are depressing
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
