is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
