i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
