you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
