So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
