i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
