why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
