i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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