she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision