I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
