u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
