I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
