I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
