Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
