clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
even my farts smell like vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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