Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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