ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
