ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
