so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still have a little drunk in my system
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
