i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
