it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
