just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
