I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
