Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
