Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
