I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sober January is a disaster.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
