I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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