..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
