just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize