Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
