I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
