its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
