I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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