it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
