Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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