I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
