i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
