What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
