At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
