All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
