I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
