listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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