gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize