so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
