So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
