apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
