We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
