there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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