i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
