I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
