I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
