I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
