Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
