Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
