That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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