If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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