you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
