So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
