I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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