Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
