Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
